We All Have Demons, It’s How We Cope, That Allows Us to Move on….
One thing I have learned in my short 45 years of life is we all have a past and some of us even carry those demons with us. I have also learned that we allow those demons to make or break us at any given time. And at times in life there are triggers that release our demons into emotions, irrational decisions, impulsive behavior and unhealthy behavior where we hurt others not meaning to.
I have seen some people face some pretty big demons. These demons have taken the form of broken relationships, childhood trauma, a death of a loved one, drug abuse, violence, lack of purpose, failure, and the list goes on.
Some of these demons have led people to live meaningless life’s. Some have pushed away their partner in a relationship, and some have allowed many to not grow or develop coping skills needed.
Unless these suckers are faced head on and can be overcome, they ultimately win.
It took a few years of an unhealthy relationship for me to realize that I had some demons from my past that were triggered by certain events happening in the relationship. Until I realized what was going on, I couldn’t cope nor fix what was going on. I reacted with behavior that was not me, isolated myself from my friends and lost my true self.
It is absolutely sheer guts and vulnerability to face these demons head on. Let’s face it, this shit hurts. Talking about past hurt, what’s trigging this pain and knowing you are living an unhealthy life at the moment is nothing one wants to shout from a roof top.
Lack of determination and settling for a life with little meaning and little growth is easier than dealing with the hurt. To be determined is to believe in yourself! When you believe in yourself, the size of your demons shrinks, and they suddenly become manageable. For you to believe in yourself, you have to love yourself first. This was a hard concept for me personally. I always felt like I loved myself, but I wasn’t loving myself enough to realize that not only was I in an unhealthy relationship, but I didn’t love myself enough to face my demons head on. Instead I stayed in the unhealthy relationship, took the blame for everything and allowed things to be triggered to a point that I lost myself and react in uncharacteristic ways.
The frustrating thing about demons is that if we are not fully present, we can’t see them. They hide in a dark corner somewhere and secretly sabotage us from getting our dream. They sabotage our clarity on what is healthy and non-healthy, decisions, understanding what is triggering our behavior, depression or pushing those we love away. Every now and then they poke their ugly, red, fiery head out from the darkness and hurt us in a big way. If you don’t start to live in the present, then you’ll be forever operating from either the past or the future. In these alternate worlds away from the present, the demons will eventually defeat you. I know I was defeated, I felt defeated, worthless, and never good enough. None of which is true. It was just paralyzing to see all the positive around because like many, I allowed the demons to run my life.
What holds many back from conquering their demons is fear. It’s that F word that should be considered worse than that other F word we all drop like it’s going out of fashion. Fear is what our demons thrive off. Fear keeps us in this deep dark hole that many live in for months or even years at a time. You can’t explain this black hole, you become emotionless, feel like you have nothing to give and you push and shut everyone out of your life. I did this for almost 2 years of my life and it felt like shit. No one was judging me; my friends were reaching out and I wouldn’t reach back.
What changed for me was when I discovered personal development and figured out what fear was. Just like our demons, defining fear is challenging because it exists without us knowing a lot of the time. I felt physically sick, depressed and so out of sorts with my integrity and character.
“When I decided to step out of the darkness and forget about everything other than my vision for my life, fear stopped holding me back”
I left the relationship that triggered my inner demons, but I also look at that relationship as a gift. It was a relationship that came into my life as a gift to heal from some childhood trauma I never completely recovered from. Once I removed myself, I was able to beat the demons and find my true self. It felt great! It took me awhile and some tools from my own life coach to get there. Yes, life coaches, need a life coach too.
Dealing with your demons and crushing them to pieces is hard work. That’s why the majority of people never deal with them. Every time you attempt to conquer your demons, it’s like running a marathon. It requires blood, sweat and tears to distance yourself from them. The hard work is hard, but if you want to live a healthy life, gain the tools to conquer these demons then you must start the work.
I suggest journaling. Once I started to write down my demons and what triggered them, I was able to realize the life I was living v’s the life I wasn’t living.
Dealing with your demons requires you to be bold and have courage. Like any battle, it requires time and significant emotional suffering. If you put in the hard work though, you get all the benefits of a fearless life.
A life in which you get to control what happens and ultimately have more time to yourself because you’re present.
I live my life today. I faced my demons and I know what could possibly trigger them. I gained the coping skills. I moved on to a healthy life. I, like all have shit that happens in life. I recently re-entered the dating world. Now, that may cause me to meet some demons, but I have a choice in who I date and who I don’t date. Today, I am true to myself, as you can be as well. I know how I will live, that I will be healthy, but I am also realistic that life sometimes hits us like a head on car collision.
Greatness can only stem from a place where all of your demons have been slayed and you are in control. Are you up for the challenge?
Becky Shaffer~Life Coach