Last year at this time, I embarked on an epic soul-searching journey. I did not know why I was searching, what I was looking for, or that I was in fact soul searching. I just knew that things in my life needed to change. I was looking for something to heal, nurture and awaken my shattered, worn out soul.
Your Soul Shows What You Need to be Whole
We have all hit a point in our life where we have felt lost, shame and stayed too long in something that just wasn’t meant for us. It could be a relationship, job, a boss walking all over you and even a friendship. I lost my voice, my confidence, my go get er attitude, and most of all, my character and integrity were being tested to the limit.
I was in a toxic relationship. My wake-up call came from my friends and my two sons. They all sat down with me and pretty much told me everything I didn’t want to hear. I also heard everything I knew and needed to hear. Funny how that happens. I knew I needed to do some deep soul-searching and protect my number one priority, my two boys.
Knowing I had to let go of this toxic relationship and realizing if this was toxic for my kids, led me to truly evaluate life. I couldn’t fix this. I knew it was time to cleanse my life, both physically and emotionally, to create space for something better. I also needed to heal and so did my kids.
I had lost all the positive energy I once had in my life. I had also become isolated from my friends and from the things that I loved and made me happy as a human. I was reminded of this by my friends, whom I am so thankful to this day for their intervention.
Recognizing Your Path
- Step one is being able to recognize that your life has taken a turn on a path that you no longer want to walk.
- What is this path your walking doing to you mentally and physically?
- It’s ok to do a “reset” in life.
- Sit down and evaluate where you are, who you have become.
Once you can sit down and do this, it gives you a clear picture of what you need to do. Is it easy? HELL NO…Change for many of us SUCKS and sometimes is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. However, it can be the most rewarding.
Abuse Shatters Souls
My journey of surviving an abusive childhood caused me to feel shattered and disconnected. It also allowed me to think and feel that toxic relationships were my normal. Who I used to be, and who I am now, seem like polar opposites. When I am reminded of what I did and said in my fragmented, disconnected state, it continues to amaze me. I can’t remember most of it. I couldn’t be present or connected, because parts of my soul needed to be returned and mended. I also realized in my searching that part of my disconnected state was a tactic for survival.
There is an Awaking Happening
Many clients I have worked with have had a similar experience or background as mine. My experience and connection with positive energy have allowed me to help them reconnect with their soul and their true self. I feel those of us that have lived it and experienced it can be those who can help the most. Sharing your story is not only healing but helpful to others. I have watched my clients start to put their feelings first and find true happiness, something that they never felt in their life before.
There is an awakening being unveiled in each person. It is causing dissatisfaction, or an incomplete feeling, when they don’t follow their purpose, heal themselves or reconnect with their true selves.
Soul searching can confuse people if you have lived your life for others, blocked your feelings or do what was dictated by society then you become stuck, not always understanding why you have a feeling of incompleteness.
Your soul has lived other lives, so it makes sense that it comes into this one with existing imprints from its journey. Over time as we age, we all start to acknowledge that our feelings matter. The energy of those around us is real. Freedom and happiness are paramount to freeing your soul from some hurtful past journeys.
Understanding Soul Searching
One thing I have come to understand this past year is the delicate art of soul searching. Something many of us takes for granted and don’t completely understand. I believe it means something different to every one of us. Mine began because I HAD to heal. Like many, I had no idea how to do this except take some time to truly understand myself, why I allowed toxic into my life and why I allowed so many people to treat me so badly.
I had to ask myself these questions:
- Was something in my life missing?
- How do I reflect upon this?
- How do I look closely at my life and identify what I need most?
- Am I being selfish for taking time for myself?
I knew if I didn’t find this missing part of me, that I would be worthless as a Mom, Teacher, Daughter, Friend, Coach and Partner.
I knew I was lacking a sense of stability, comfort, inspiration, flexibility, and openness of who I was as a person. I carried daily so many feelings of discomfort, sadness, exhaustion, and disconnection. At the end of the day it stemmed from the unhealthy that I allowed in my life. I knew that I needed to make some HUGE changes in my life. SO I MADE THESE CHANGES!
Change just simply sucks.
I took the time needed to understand why I allowed myself to become someone I wasn’t. I needed to understand why I reacted the way I did in that particular relationship. I am not proud of who I became, but why did I allow this from myself and why did I allow myself to be treated and talked to in the manner I was? There are times in our lives where we all ask these questions. The answer is simple….This person(s), job or whatever is going on in your life at this time, is not healthy. Remove yourself. If you find yourself reacting in a negative way, your body is telling you to GET OUT!
“When you can’t go forward, and you can’t go backward, it’s time to allow something to die off that is deep and vital in yourself.”
I had to kill off something deep. This was the pain from my father, and letting the unhealthy relationship GO.
Soul searching is different for everyone. I personally, write. Some of my writings are like regurgitating on paper. BUT, like someone with a bad stomach, I feel much better once it is all out. Once out, I can start to re-read, feel and understand myself. It brings out this determination deep down inside of me and I know that no matter what life has hit me with, I will learn, roll with it and turn it into a positive.
Growing up, my feelings were worthless to my father. In my last couple relationships, my feelings were worthless as well. Yet, deep down inside, I knew that a person’s feelings can never be wrong. My feelings kept me fighting, my feelings kept me questioning what was going on. Never allow your questions or your feelings to go un-noticed to yourself. That is your soul talking to you.
If you, like me, have considered letting something go, ask yourself these questions:
- How do you feel in the presence: drained or alive?
- Does the person/situation always have your best interests in mind?
- Do you feel belittled when you share your feelings?
- Are promises made and never followed through?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it might be time to move on to make space in your life for healthy and happy energy.
When I let go and moved on in my own life, I did the following:
- Expressed myself by writing letters to those that hurt me. I didn’t send them, but I got it out. Remember the regurgitating on paper? End the letter with, “I release you across all space and time. Thank you for helping me learn and grow.” Fold the paper, burn it to signify a complete release to the universe. This particular ritual is magical. I instantly felt lighter.
- Clear your physical space. I personally got rid of a lot of shit.
- Get clear and allow yourself to understand what you need. I needed my routine back as in working out, my friends, I wanted to feel alive again, time with my kids, support, understanding, validations from those in my life, but most of all, I needed ME back. Take this one step at a time. Sometimes just starting with today. How do you want to feel today? Answer that and go feel that!
- Start filling your empty space. A loss of a relationship, good or bad, leaves many feeling empty. Create space by releasing an unhealthy relationship, write a list of activities that will help you feel and experience your desires. Mine is writing, as writing makes me feel alive. I wrote A LOT!
Your soul carries imprints of what has been done to it. The following list comprises reasons your soul can be diminished, shattered, lost or disconnected.
- Emotional, sexual and physical abuse.
- Witnessing violence or abuse to others, animals or the planet.
- Over giving of yourself, and energetically giving away part of your soul through concern, worry or longing.
- Over-involvement with another person, and giving up your true self to please them.
- Suppressing needs, feelings and emotions by living a life that is dictated or programmed by institutions, society, family or peers.
- Ignoring your gut feelings, and not being true to yourself or following your passions.
- Relying on someone else for your happiness, power or fulfilment.
- Judgment and negative conditioning, or a lack of self-love and self-respect.
- The involvement in rituals, contracts, vows, etc., to another person, institution, or culture, which continue into each lifetime and cause stress, restriction and confusion.
- Anger directed at you through curses, backstabbing, jealousy, competitiveness or blame.
Life Is Your Message
Life is your message, and the benchmark that reveals the condition of your soul. It took me awhile to find the peacefulness in my life and the forgiveness, but through my experience we will together get you to a place of a healed soul. Once you get there you can enjoy feeling the following:
- Feeling peaceful and whole
- Enjoying solitude
- Feeling connected to yourself and others
- Ability to let go and move forward
- Confidence and self-worth
- Understanding others
- Feelings of guidance and intuition
- Commitment to follow inner guidance
- Feeling passionate about life
- Good health
- Feeling purpose in your life
- Allowing others the freedom to follow their own path
You deserve to feel this, understand your passion and soul and most of all heal from anything that is holding you back. Life is too short and too often we as humans ignore our soul and ignore the messages that our body is telling us. Your soul seeks freedom, happiness and wholeness.
Together we will dig deeper and reveal more truth about what our souls have endured. My goal is to offer a deeper connection, and more peace and happiness to life than anyone could have thought possible. Every day is a process, a learning experience and should always have some sort of positive energy.
As you read earlier, I am a survivor. I wrote a letter to my child self, which I will publish next week. Stay tuned and please feel free to reach out to me via e-mail. Your important in every aspect of your life.
Becky Shaffer / Live In Confidence / Life Coach