My heart is filled with gratitude! I am blessed with two amazing boys who have made my life all but boring. I had a Mom and Step-Dad that taught me unconditional love and family values. I had an amazing brother whose heart was so loving and giving. I have a beautiful family spread out wide and far, some blood and many not, but they took our family in. We have all walked many storms together and together we always enjoy the beautiful rainbow after all has settled. I have the most amazing friends who have stepped in as family and in times of heartbreak, death, and life events, I am never on my own. For this, I am so thankful! YES, I not only live my best life, but I have been blessed with amazing souls.
My life was not always like this. I had to fight hard, work hard, and truly do the work to get to where I am at today. I still have my days, as we all do. I have had to re-connect with life several times. In my early 20’s I didn’t know the phrase “living my best life”, as I was in survival mode. I had just survived an awful childhood from an abusive father. I somehow managed to make it through college and start a great career, and then I was living in what I ONLY knew, which was survival mode while finding myself in an abusive relationship and another and another. I was self-limiting myself because I was living a familiar life and I only knew “survival-oriented emotions. By dating bad, and having drama friends, I was in my element. This is where I find many of my clients stuck today. Many do not know how to get out of this quicksand that they continue to sink over and over feeling stuck. We were not born with a life manual, we learn as we go. I get it. I was standing in that quicksand during most of my 20s and my 30s. With my experience and training, I am here to help you crawl out of that quicksand and start living YOUR best life.
“Happiness is the highest level of Success”
Until I finally woke up and realized this is the ONE life we get, no matter what we have faced, no matter what we have experienced, this is OUR life and it is up to US in how we move forward from any past shit.
We have all been in a part of our life where we question ourselves. What do I want? How do I want to live this life? How do I get out of this relationship? How do I feel happy again? How do I heal from past trauma? How do I face life after a loved one’s death? This is what I call creating a new life. This doesn’t mean you throw all the past away, it means you take it with you, you turn it into lessons, into your power, and walk forward knowing you will overcome obstacles, you will climb that mountain, you will learn to fly and you will learn to be free of all the bullshit you have been handed and or allowed in your life. You will take the death of loved ones and hold dear to the memories and build something positive of their memory. I have had to recently learn to live without my parents. This has been hard as hell, however, I can smile and cherish all the love and memories I forever hold deep inside. This doesn’t mean I don’t have hard days, but it means I have had to recreate live without them.
Sadly, many build walls and many live in the fear of things being repeated. If you live in fear and do not allow yourself to let go, to heal and to NOT bring your past into new relationships, new friendships, a new job, you will never truly be able to see all that is in front of you. Fear stops the building, fear stops the healing and fear stops that “what could be.” I am not saying that some fear is not healthy, but if you allow it to stop your growth, then you have work to do.
I have personally decided to live my best life. To live to the fullest. To love to the fullest, and to only give to those that appreciate it, want it, and show me this in return. If an opportunity is in front of me, I am going to take it, ONLY if it adds meaning to my life and continues to make me the best version of me. I will be spontaneous, take trips, and see what the world offers. I may never get this time again, so I will take it as life offers it. I never want to live in the “what if”, or the “I should have done that”, I want to live in the, “well, I tried it, I did it” and the lessons will happen or the most amazing experiences will come from this. “LIVING MY BEST LIFE.”
What are you doing to live your best life? This one and only life?
When I sit and look back at my childhood, I realize it has developed me to a degree, but it was such a small part of my life. I have all this life to live, way more than what my childhood was and I think about the lessons from this. Some were not kind, some were heartbreaking, some were not fair to me, and some should have never happened, but it happened. I can’t change any of that, but I can change my outcome, just as you can change yours.
I had to dig deep and ask myself: What kind of person do I want to be? I sure the hell will never be like my biological father, so I do know what I will not be and that was a turning point for me. When we all dig deep, beyond the abusive assholes, beyond those that broke our hearts, beyond those that lied, cheated, or treated us badly, there are some pretty good people around us. Once we clean our lenses and truly look, we all have someone in our life that makes that difference. That one person that believes in you, that will cheer you on in your journey. I have had that with many people in my life. But, I had to truly dig deep, to realize what true unconditional love was.
It took years to feel good about myself, it took years to not feel all the emotions I had from my past. It took a lot of healing, a lot of work, a lot of writing, but most of all it took a lot of ME. I had to find my sense of purpose, comfort, security, inspiration, love, compassion, acceptance, freedom, and many many more positive emotions! YOU CAN TOO!
But what on Earth is meant by “living your best life?”, how do we achieve it?, and why does it feel like so many people other than ourselves have the formula locked down?
Take chances, take risks, try to appreciate the things you do have, and surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you. Sometimes our happiest moments are among the most mundane made special by those they’re shared with. Don’t hinge your happiness on things you think will impress others — that’s not living your best life, that’s only living someone else’s idea of it.
You are a unique individual, so living your best life is exclusive to you. Your best life will reflect your true values. It will be made up of what makes you happy and will be colored by what making a difference means to you. Living your best life is being the best version of YOU!
A few things I live by:
“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” Never become too busy or too preoccupied to celebrate everything you have done, all that you have and all that you are! Never become too busy for those in your life!
“You don’t become what you want, you become what you believe.” There is nothing more influential than your thoughts.
“Turn your wounds and pain into wisdom.” Turn your mess into a message. Don’t let your pain be in vain. Do something positive with it!
“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” Stress comes from thinking that things should have been different. But they have worked out this way for a reason. ALL you can do is keep moving forward. Use that past as your positive, as your growth.
“Go ahead. Fall down. The world looks different from the ground.” Everything that we go through gives us new perspective, information and insight. Embrace all of it.
Take the next step If you’d like to explore whether or not there’s a fit for you and me to work together. Send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and leave your name, and a short message of what you are looking for to improve your life, and I will set up a free 30-minute consultation.
I don’t have a “magic wand” that will bring you instant answers without having to do any work. I’ve been there, I have done the work.
I can’t promise you that your journey won’t be uncomfortable, and possibly frightening at times as putting in the work is hard stuff. But what I can promise you is that I will support you in finding YOUR answer. I’m a coach, not a therapist…and it’s my job to help you get UNSTUCK.
Becky Shaffer /Life Coach/ Fitness Coach/ Educator/