Who ever thought we would be here? Life has a way of going 100 mpg on some days and slower than a snail on others, but this midlife came fast and hard like a head-on collision, and boy have I felt every bump and bruise along the way, along with every emotion one can feel.
Midlife is a phase of life that typically occurs between the ages of 40 and 60, characterized by various physical, emotional, and psychological changes. It is a period when individuals may reflect on their past accomplishments and contemplate their future goals. While men may go through midlife by buying a dream car or pursuing new hobbies, women often experience their own unique journey during this time. For women, midlife can be a transformative period of growth, where they may seek to redefine themselves and explore new opportunities. It is a time when they may face challenges such as hormonal fluctuations, bodily changes, and emotional shifts. While there may not be a quick fix for the feelings of being “stuck” during midlife, it is important to acknowledge and embrace the changes, seeking support from loved ones and professionals if needed. It’s important for women to remember that they are not alone in navigating the complexities of midlife and that it can be a time of self-discovery and empowerment.
The process of self-discovery, or as some may like to call it, “redefining” oneself, can be an incredibly empowering journey. However, it can also be an emotional roller coaster with its ups and downs. This exploration of one’s identity and purpose can bring about a range of emotions, from excitement and curiosity to fear and uncertainty. It involves diving deep into the depths of your being, examining your beliefs, values, and passions, and questioning the paths you have taken in life. It requires self-reflection, introspection, and a willingness to confront your fears and insecurities. But in the end, the process of self-discovery can lead to a heightened sense of self-awareness, authenticity, and a clearer understanding of who you truly are and what brings you joy and fulfillment in life. Embrace the journey, for it is through self-discovery that we can grow, evolve, and embrace our truest selves.
We have extensively explored adolescent behavior and conducted extensive research on the reasons behind the actions of young people as they navigate through puberty and growth. However, we seem to overlook the significance of studying midlife changes and crises in our society. In today’s culture, there is a prevalent emphasis on privacy and individualism, creating an environment that disregards the importance of collective understanding and support. It is crucial to recognize that we are in need of each other more than ever, and by neglecting to investigate and address midlife changes, we may be unintentionally harming ourselves and not allowing society to understand what our bodies and our minds are facing. Ultimitely at the end of the day it is us that needs to understand this shift in our life.
I am in this midlife. I turned 50 in March, my baby graduated from High School and on top of all of this moved to a new state and a new job. It was time for me to find myself after being a single mom for so many years and putting all my energy into raising my boys. It was an amazing time of my life and today I grieve the loss of my kids running around the house, leaving the toilet seats up and dirty dishes everywhere…However my youngest was home for Thanksgiving and I got the toilet seat left up, dirty dishes everywhere, and all of his dirty clothes on the floor. I am not going to lie, I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. Something, I would have yelled at him for before, but I just smiled and felt incredibly thankful to have him home for a short few days.
Like many women my age, finding strategies for getting unstuck and finding purpose and joy in life again can be a challenge. It is a new life where one can feel bored after having such a busy calendar schedule, you are rediscovering yourself and your passions and realizing this is OK. We miss the kids’ “stuff”, the team dinners, the feeling of joy of as I would say “all the boys” at a team dinner or getting ready for a big game. This can lead to feeling lonely, and I have had my moments of feeling so lonely, even though I have had people around me, even though I have been blessed in making a nice friend group here, the loneliness is real. At times it is like going through the motions, knowing you are ready for new, you are ready to spread these new wings for the second part of life, but many are scared to put actions to these feelings.
This is the time in life when you take 100% responsibility for your life and start dreaming again. Set high standards and abide by a daily plan of action–even when you don’t feel like it. What do you want for the rest of your life, as we all know, it goes fast.
Life is a precious gift, and it is up to us to make the most of it. In this stage of life, it is crucial to take complete ownership and responsibility for our actions and decisions. It is time to dream big and set high standards for ourselves.
Creating a daily plan of action is essential, even when we don’t feel like it. It is during these moments of uncertainty and doubt that our commitment is truly tested. Pushing through our obstacles and staying true to our plan will bring us closer to achieving our dreams.
As time passes by quickly, it is crucial to reflect on what we truly want for the rest of our lives. What brings us fulfillment and happiness? What legacy do we wish to leave behind? These are the questions we must ask ourselves and actively work towards answering.
Remember, life is a journey, and it is within our power to shape it. Embrace the responsibility, dare to dream again, and strive to make each day count. The future is yours to create, so make it extraordinary.
Begin to trust and believe that you do have an important purpose and it is time to act on it. Drop the excuses and do what you must to get healthy–mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You are the light—an inspiration for your kids, your family, and other women starting to face this new reality of midlife.
The reality is, that the midlife shift is NORMAL, you’re normal. You’re not broken, you are going through a natural phase of human development like adolescence. There are 42 million American women between the ages of 40-60, so we are not alone. You are not broken. We have menopause and perimenopause along with changes in careers, relationships, empty nest, divorce, and so much more.
I call this the valley between your life’s first mountain and now we are headed to our second. What is funny about this is I moved to the mountains. I am ready to climb this next mountain.
Our first mountain is the life we built. Marriage, kids, career and we climb to the top with many falls along the way. Divorce, maybe one of our kids goes through some hard knocks in life and we are there to pick them up, but no one is there to pick us up. We managed to get to the top with all the diversity. All these strategies from this first mountain leave us exhausted. We have faced the death of loved ones, for me, my best friend, my brother, and both my partners. So here I am on the top of this mountain with little family and now an empty nester. HARD AS HELL….But I am standing on two feet. It can be paralyzing.
However, instead of living in fear, my desires inside have come to life. It is time to live this new part of my life to the best of my ability.
Our mindset is so critical during this part of our life. It is a process! We can get stuck and lost and not sure how to take our life forward. I had fear which in reality, fear can keep us alive and safe, but it can also keep you small. The fear of failure, and unworthiness is alive and can block one from moving forward. We are open to facing past trauma and at times this is when it comes full circle. Find out what is going on so you can take your steps forward. Be compassionate and kind to yourself, investigate and give those young parts of yourself a seat at the table, hear yourself out, write yourself a letter, and give yourself a hug, assurance, and comfort.
Joy is part of this process as well. How do you choose joy? It is a noun which is the state in which you feel and it is a verb to rejoice. We need to choose to rejoice in our life, be grateful for things, and look at all our accomplishments as there are so many that have pushed us to the top of this mountain. It is hard to choose joy at times when things are not going the right way, however, if you can look at these as lessons, what does this mean to my life. There is a gift in all of these experiences. This is all a mindset. Hard stuff will happen, this midlife is HARD.
Sit down and write your vision for the next 12 months. Pull the weeds, move the obstacles out of the way. Your mindset is about 25%, your physical world is another part of this, how much sleep are you getting, fresh air, sun, exercise. Your body is a system and needs attention. What is going on emotionally, what kind of unforgiveness are you carrying around and what is going on in your spiritual world? All this is a factor moving forward with purpose.
Only YOU have an impact on your life moving forward. The first step is a scary one. I realized I had more tools than I was aware, sitting right in front of me.
You need a squad. Loneliness is the dark side of our culture’s love of independence, self-sufficiency, and privacy. We all need our squad, a friend to confide in, a friend to laugh with, and to experience life. I have been so blessed to find my community in a new state, a new city, and have been more than welcome.
We all have blind spots, we need those to ask us hard questions and cheer us on. It is such a joy to watch others in their midlife find their purpose, clarify their purpose, and start walking up that next mountain. Celebrate each other.
Blind spots are an inherent part of being human. They represent the areas where we may lack self-awareness or struggle to see our own weaknesses or biases. It is essential to have people around us who can point out these blind spots and challenge us with difficult questions. These individuals serve as our cheerleaders, encouraging us to grow and overcome our limitations.
As we journey through life, it is inspiring to witness those in their midlife discovering their true purpose. This phase often brings clarity and a renewed sense of direction. Witnessing someone embrace their purpose and embark on a new path is a cause for celebration. We should come together to support and uplift one another, celebrating each other’s successes and milestones.
Let us remember to acknowledge our blind spots, surround ourselves with supportive individuals, and actively cheer on others as they navigate their own journeys. Together, we can conquer challenges and inspire one another to reach new heights.
My favorite proverb is, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”–African Proverb
Where is your squad? How are you going to get rid of that mind trash that is holding you back? Open your mind to new ideas and follow those dreams and desires you put behind.
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