This Shit is Hard!


My journey with fitness and self-care is a long one. It started almost as soon as I could walk. Because of this, I don’t have the typical “fitness transformation” story. I’ve always been athletic, but the stages of fitness and the mindset that accompanies them vary greatly throughout each time period in my life.  However, this past year has by far been my biggest challenge, and my highest weight.  ekkkkkkk

Usually, I enjoy living in my body.  I have always had the desire to be healthy, or healthier. I have always relied on my habit of fitness, due to the reality of my family genes, which is obesity and many other health issues which have always pushed me to be the best I could be health-wise.  I fell off the wagon as they say this past year.

Instead, of enjoying my body, I felt shame, sometimes embarrassment.  I have always carried around a body that was in shape, toned, and never afraid to expose my healthy side.  Like many, I do the research, learn different programs, have a great fitness tribe surrounding me, have my own fitness coaching business, and always do the best I can with meal planning.   

Life at times throws unexpected curveballs.  I allowed the curveball to completely knock me off my feet.  Instead of taking care of myself, I felt sorry for myself and put my energy into taking care of everyone around me.  I went through a situational depression and just the daily routine of waking up, going to work, getting my son to his hockey, and just trying to stay on top of my career exhausted me.   I was in a cloud and many things in my life were blurry.

Covid hit my house hard and for me, it lasted almost 11 months with long-haul Covid symptoms.

Death had hit my life with the loss of my Mom, who was my best friend, and recently my Dad and then our family dog. It is so hard to realize today, that both my parents are gone. The holidays were hard as for the first time in my life I was parentless. No matter what there is just an emptiness in my heart. Trust me, I have an amazing life, wonderful kids, and many friends that are family, but there is an emptiness I can’t explain.

During this time and feeling the shame about my body I learned so much.  My mindset knew what I needed to do.  My drive and desire were empty.

I have had to reset my growth mindset and stretch myself more than I ever had to in my life.  Our capacity for success is limited by who we believe ourselves to be, to the degree we allow.  I had to unlock my potential and change which is something that has not always been naturally within me.  I was having an identity gap with who I needed to become to reach my goals.  Our identity dictates our thoughts, behaviors, and actions that set us up for success or prime us for failure.

First, it is ok to take time off for yourself.    I personally needed to deal with a broken heart of so much loss in my life.  Then I worked out when I could after dealing with long-haul symptoms of Covid. I needed a reset in my life without the one person I talked to daily about everything.  I had to go through a year of the firsts, and then the second year, and now the third.    However, I am not sure getting through the firsts, the seconds or even the third makes it easier, but it does allow one to process and learn to find joy in events and memories.

I also learned that this shame, though experienced privately, is not an isolated event. Instead, it echoes a trend in our culture: women’s bodies are the subject of much speculation and subjugation, no matter the industry. Perhaps the issue simply arises in a more obvious way in the world of fitness, where bodies are so easily on display.  I got hooked on this trend as well and felt if I was not at a certain fitness level, I was gross.

This all hit me hard one day when I looked in the mirror and saw myself.  I was disgusted, sad, upset, and had a wave of shame hit me. For the first time ever, I truly hated my body.  I knew it was time to get my shit together and get myself back.

I call this my journey.  I started being routine again when I kicked off 645 in my fitness group. (A fitness program with Beachbody) I am doing portion control and completed 645. I then decided as a fitness coach, I needed a fitness coach as well. This at first hit me shared because I allowed myself to get in the mindset of, “I am a fitness coach, I motivate people and I help people”, but I had to be ok admitting that I needed some help myself. I needed a time out and I needed to work on ME. I am currently in a 3-month program with my fitness coach while running my programs. It has by far given me the most determination in a long time.

For the past 3 months, I have been routine and consistent again.  I am nowhere, where I want to be yet, but I am happy and I feel great.  I have learned in this process that this is my body, and today I am pushing it hard, feeding it well and I no longer look in the mirror and feel shame. 

It is about finding your tribe, those that will support your goals and accept you for where you are at.  Fitness has taught me life lessons on perseverance, setting goals, failing, achieving, mindset and so much more.   I run a motivational group that I absolutely love because it keeps me on track to know I am someone’s motivation that day.  However; it is ok to have that motivation for yourself.

Hit the link below and join my motivational fitness group.  We share ideas, workouts, recipes, and most importantly, friendships. I also have a fitness group starting where we will kick some butt with our workouts and revamp our nutrition to break some old habits. You can start at anytime. It all about you and your goals.

For a free 30-minute health assessment, email me at and I will see if we fit and when we can get you started on your journey.

{Becky Shaffer{  }Life Coach{  }Educator{  }Author}

Published by beckyshafferliveinconfidence

I did the crazy and left my career teaching job after 19 years to work on and build my coaching business. I took a year off to follow my dream of being a life coach and using my skills, life lessons and training to help others find meaning in their life. While I do this, I am always growing, learning and finding more purpose and meaning in my life as well. Currently, I am life coaching and fitness coaching part-time , I continue to blog, meet with clients and I am back to teaching full time in Columbus City Schools, working with gifted students, teaching. U.S. History.

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